i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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