Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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