so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
