everyone is single if you try hard enough
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
