those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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