I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
