I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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