watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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