You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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