I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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