i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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