i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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