oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
