I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize