It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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