i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
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