nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
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