he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
