I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
