You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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