Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize