it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
