OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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