I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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