If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
