But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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