I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
