I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
