I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Dear god my vagina.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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