Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Randomize
