your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
