This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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