I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
