Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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