Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
