lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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