Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
