he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Randomize
