pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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