Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
The convent might be a nice break from real life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
