mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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