You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
