seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
