Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
