that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
