I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
