Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
As shirtless as possible
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
