Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
