Swine flu. Run for my life!
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
