we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't want my vagina anymore.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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