Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
