Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize