You're so nebulous sometimes
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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