In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize