Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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