When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
