I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
