I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
