the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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