he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
