fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
there is puke in my bra ... again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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