Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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