My first STD was from a foam party
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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