you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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