Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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