census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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