I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
