Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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