apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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