The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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