just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
