doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
