I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
