drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
