You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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