there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
