I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
