My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
