The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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