talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Randomize
